Knows that I don't much agree with Miss Nick's Dino observations, does makes this Dino heart glad to see the name of our Dino lifted up in this six part look at Matt Helm caper numero 3. Dinolovin', DMP btw, diggs those Dino goggles..I want's a pair of 'em....
THE AMBUSHERS: PART 6
Quintana gives Matt and Sheila a tour of the brewery, and of course Matt samples all the produce. Sheila notices some workers lifting barrels using stripped down versions of the walking fork lift truck from “Aliens”. Quintana explains how effective they are and how it works but it sails right over an increasingly sozzled Matt Helm’s head. So they skip on to a pool party where beautiful women are dancing around: Remember at the start I said I had a theory about the success of the Matt Helm movies? It’s that they pack a whole lot of gorgeous women in skimpy costumes in them. There, that’s it. That’s the only reason I can think of. Certainly action, story, characters and entertainment have nothing to do with it.
A helicopter arrives and out steps Mr. Salvador Dali goatee beard who captured the Menstrual Cycle. Sheila sees him and goes into a kind of trance whilst Matt tries to follow him and take his picture. The guy goes indoors and Matt is approached by a girl who dances up to him and gives a bit of expository dialogue to help him: The man is called Jose Ortega and she’s called Francesca Madieros and there’s a bit of flirtatious banter to follow because Matt Helm can’t speak in any other way. We also find out that all the beautiful instructors and trainees from ICE headquarters that we’ve met are here undercover and posing as the brewery dancing girls. We know this because they say things like "pssst! McDonald sent us to look after you" in a way that everyone in Tijuana can hear. Man, are those bad guys going to kick themselves when they find out that their hiring policy on dancing girls is so lax!
Speaking of the bad guys, Quintero and Ortega are meeting behind closed doors and Quintero is nervous: He’s sure Sheila is the pilot of the Menstrual Cycle (sheesh, don’t they remember little details like that, especially as they kidnapped her and tortured her until she was bleached white?) and that they’ve been discovered. Ortega, in true classic spy villain style, is unfazed and speaks in monotone to show just how unfazed a villain he is. However, Matt’s right outside taking photos which means we’re dealing with villains with an open door policy on secret meetings. A casually dressed guard eventually shows up and casually asks Matt to hand over the film because Senor Ortega doesn’t like having his picture taken. Matt obliges but little does the guard know that Helm is using the first digital camera in the world and that the pictures are being beamed electronically back to ICE HQ. McDonald identifies Ortega as an enemy called Leopold Caselius; sadistic leader of a fanatic group (which has no name) and sends the message to Matt using a transmitted message on a film strip which can only be read by Matt wearing beer goggles.
Sheila though, has decided to take matters into her own hands. Whilst Ortega goes to clean his hands after cleaning a pistol (just because you’re the villain doesn’t mean you can cut back on good hygiene), she sneaks into his office, grabs the pistol and shoots him when he emerges from the bathroom. Now what kind of villain leaves a loaded pistol lying on his desk and the door to outside wide open for anyone to sneak in whilst he’s in the bathroom? Well, the kind that obviously loaded the gun with blanks because after playing possum for a bit, he gets up. Sheila runs into the night, looking for Matt but being watched by the Turk. She finds Matt with Quintero and says they should leave but Matt, not wanting to pass up the chance of more booze, says what’s the hurry?
Ortega emerges unscathed onto the balcony and nods to Quintero, who nods to his laid back guard, who nods to the mariachi band leader, who has a pair of pistols concealed in a pair of maracas. Goons disguised as waiters surround Matt and Sheila in a way that is not suspicious at all, no siree Bob, and Matt fears the worst. But who should pop up to save them but Francesca? She gets the band to start playing up tempo again and whislt the Matt Helm fan club all start to get involved too, Matt and Sheila slip out the back. You see, once again goons just can’t help themselves but just stand around looking menacing for a minute whilst the heroes evaluate an escape plan. The female ICE agents stop the goons from pursuing Matt and Sheila by making their judo moves look like dance moves. So I guess McDonald’s plan of sending 30 go-go dancers to look after Matt worked after all: I will never doubt his judgement again.
Matt instructs Sheila to take the car and go back to the hotel (first place the bad guys will look for her, numnuts) whilst he deals with the goons. Laid back goon and half a dozen armed men stalk Matt around the car park whilst Matt converts his camera into a pistol. He shoots laid back goon and then uses the metal dissolving device on the others which melts their belt buckles but, strangely, not their guns. Everyone’s pants fall down and, whilst Matt hops onto a motorcycle, from out of nowhere music that sounds like a national anthem starts up and the goons all stand to attention and salute, allowing Matt to escape. No explanation of where this music is coming from is ever explained; it just happens, leaving my head spinning as I can no longer determine just what is and what isn't non-diegetic music in this movie anymore.
Sheila, in the meantime, speeds her way down a lonely highway, pursued by a helicopter. An assassin, concealed in the back seat, gets up and threatens her to take the next turn off. The car pulls over to the edge of a cliff and he says he has instructions to kill her, but first, he’s going to have his way with her. Sheila goes for a romantic clinch and there’s a bang: Her concealed weapon bra kills the assassin. I have to say my favourite person in this movie is Janice Rule as Sheila Sommers. She gives her role, and the concept of a fully loaded bra, far more class than it deserves. Oh, by the way that helicopter that was following them? It's vanished and is never seen again or referred to...you guessed that already? Hey, you cats are alright!
Oh, i am going to see this one tonight ; )
ReplyDeleteGreat post as always, DMP!
Hey pallie, thanks and as you know, you can never go wrong when you are Dinoviewin'...
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